A young friend of mine talked to me about some criticisms that he received. He was visibly disturbed by them but he wanted to do the right thing. So, he asked what would I do if I am in his situation. I laughed and told him that the both of us will handle them differently, due to our wide age gap. Also, I encouraged him not to feel bad about any feedback or criticism, no matter how severe. I told him that when you live long enough, you will be criticized no matter what you do. Also, we are likely to criticize others too.

He insisted on an answer, so I said these. Firstly, be thankful that someone listened to you enough to commend and have the courage to give you feedback. Feedback is the foundation of our improvement. I am not about to think that I am so good that I am at the apex. Then carefully think through the feedback; are they correct or just misguided? If they are correct, then make the change. There is no harm but good that will come out of it. If misguided, then ignore them. There is really nothing good that will come out of trying to defend yourself, just a waste of precious time.

To be humble enough to receive such “harsh” comments may take many years of denying yourself. I told my young friend that I am already in my sixties, what is there that I have not heard? Some are good, I followed. Some not so good, I ignore. No big deal, life goes on. Be happy.

Finally, I added: “There will always be time that you did well, and other times when you did poorly. Do not bash yourself but seek to do better each time. Listening with a humble heart will get you further than fighting back. Furthermore, for the same thing there will be people who felt you did well, and others who feel otherwise. Accept both views for they have their merits. Keep improving for the glory of God and not anything else.”

Then the two of us laughed, continued to make fun of each other and enjoyed another cup of coffee. Dying to self is an important part of humbling. Laughing at ourselves is an important part of dying to self.

God bless,
In Christ’s service,

Barry Leong

我的一位年轻朋友与我谈起他收到的一些评论。他明显可见的已经被这些评论所搅扰，但他仍希望能正确的处理。于是他问我，如果我处在他这样的境况我会怎么作。我笑着对他说，基于我们之间有很大的年龄差距，我们的处理方式必会截然不同。同时，我也鼓励他不管评论有多恶劣，都不要介意任何的回馈或批评。我告诉他你只要活得够久，你无论作什么总会被人批评的。此外，我们也可能批评了别人。

他执意要一个答案，于是我就告诉他了。首先，要感恩还有人愿意聆听并提出意见，同时有勇气给你回馈。回馈是我们求进步的基础。虽然我并不认为自己已经在高峰之上。然后，仔细思考这些回馈；它们是正确的抑或只是误导？如果它们是正确的，那么就作出改变。因为从中所产生的没有伤害而是好处。若是误导，那么就忽略它们。尝试袒护自己真的不会得到什么好处，同时也只在浪费宝贵的时间。

要足以谦虚地接受这种“严厉”的评论，可能需要很多年的自我否定。我告诉我这位年轻的朋友，我已经六十多岁了，还有什么是我没有听过的？有些是好的，我就听从。有些不是好的，我就撇开。没有多大的事，生活还是要继续。要快乐。

最后，我再说，“你总会有作得好的时候，也会有作得差的时候。不要抨击自己，但每一次都要寻求作得更好。用谦卑的心聆听会比反击让你走得更远。更甚的是，同样的一样事，会有人觉得你作得对，而其他的人却觉得相反。接受两种观点，因为它们各有优点。为上帝的荣耀继续进步，除此别无其他。”

于是，我们俩都笑了，继续取笑对方，再享受另一杯咖啡。向自己死是虚己很重要的一部份。自我嘲笑则是向自己死很重要的一部份。

上帝赐福，
在基督里同工的，

Barry Leong

（林秀娟会吏翻译）