Some years ago, I overheard a mother encouraging her young boy to pursue his dreams. “Do not let anyone stop you,” she said. “You must live your life and fulfil your dreams — marry the girl of your choice, have the career you desire, own a house you want — do not let laziness, meaningless distractions, other people’s ideals be your stumbling blocks,” she continued. And she went on and on for quite some time. “That’s an encouraging mother,” I thought to myself.

Recently, I overheard a conversation of two young adults while having a coffee break with my colleagues. One of them was lamenting on how the parents were putting their fingers into every decision he intended to make for his life – girl friends, career, car. His friend tried to mitigate by saying that the parents cared for him, and afraid that he might make the wrong choice. The reply was amusing: “I am already in my mid-thirties and I cannot make ‘good’ decisions? I have a degree and they do not, yet they think they know better.” The friend asked, “Then why didn’t you go ahead with your choices?” The young man answered: “I didn’t want to break their hearts even though I know my choice is correct. Guess I just have to live with regrets. I love my parents, but only hope that I will not turn bitter and hate them later for their interference. Already I had ‘wasted’ many years.” I wanted to listen more but everyone wanted to go back to work.

As a parent there are times that I think I know better. But I, like the first mother, had also encouraged my son to chase his dreams. Sure! I wanted him to go to certain educational institutes, do certain ‘likely to make money’ courses. But I kept these quietly in my heart, I made the deliberate choice to let him choose. He must like it or else he will not be happy. Of course, I advise him accordingly but fall short of interfering or blackmail him emotionally. Difficult, painful at times, but needed it to be so.

The bible exhorts us, the parents, not to provoke our children to anger. As long as they live their lives in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, that should be sufficient for us.

God bless,
In Christ’s service,

Barry Leong

好些年前，我听到一位母亲在鼓励她年幼的孩子去追求他的梦想。“不要让任何人拦阻你。”她说。她接着又说：“你必须活出自己的生命并实现你的梦想——娶你中意的女孩子，拥有你喜欢的职业，购买你要的房子。——不要让懒惰、无意义的搅扰、他人的观念成为你的绊脚石。”她继续说了好一阵子。我对自己说：“这是一位有鼓励性的母亲。”

最近，我在和同事喝咖啡的时候，听见两位年轻人在对话。其中一位正在抱怨他的父母是如何干涉他为自己的生活所作的每一个决定——女朋友、事业、汽车。他的朋友尝试缓解就说他的父母是关心他，也担心他会作错抉择。他的回应很有趣：“我已经卅多岁，难道还不能作‘好的’决定吗？我拥有学位而他们没有，但他们却以为他们懂得更多。”他的朋友问道：“那么你为什么不实现你的选择呢？”这位年轻人回答：“我不要伤他们的心，即使我知道我的选择是正确的。我恐怕要带着悔意活着了。我爱我的父母，但是也希望自己不要变得苦毒并在之后会因为他们的干扰而厌恶他们。我已经‘浪费’了那么多年。”我还想继续听下去，但是每个人都准备回去工作了。

身为一位家长，有时候我会觉得自己懂得很多。但是我就如第一位母亲，也鼓励我的儿子追求他的梦想。确实！我希望他能就读某教育学院，上一些“更能赚钱”的课程。但是我把这些都默默的藏在我的心里，我刻意选择让他自己作抉择。他必须喜欢否则他不会开心。当然，我会逐步的引导他，但不会落入干扰或情绪敲诈。很难，有时也会心痛，但却是必要的。

圣经勉励我们作父母的，不要惹儿女的气，只要他们照着主的教训和警戒活出他们的生命，我们就心满意足了。

上帝赐福，
主里同工的，

Barry Leong